A baby boy

Congratulations to Gwen Stefani on the birth of a healthy baby boy on Thursday 21st named Zuma Nesta Rock.

I love her

Miss Beckz

i think i was a bit judgmental

I suppose I was a bit judgemental on that jock guy from Univeristy. He did end up adding me to facebook so i guess i was wrong. he is in a relationship which i don't care about. this is a lesson i have learnt. don't jump the gun and make assumptions and judgements

MB

Should I have done that?

So here I am sitting in my grandma's lounge room attempting to do my homework but all I seem to be doing is having little "Carrie Bradshaw" moments. Actually it is a cross between Miss Bradshaw and JD from Scrubs (I seem to be doing the tilting of the head movement and thinking).

I mentioned in a previous blog that I was going to confront that guy (lets call him Mr. IT) who ignored me for months and months. He didn't come back online, however I did the unthinkable (as I hate starting conflict) and messaged him (don't have the guts to talk face to face). I told him that I am disappointed that we don't talk like we used too and asked "Why is that?" It has been 5 minutes and I am still waiting for a reply. I know he won't reply. There is no need too. He has a beautiful girlfriend and doesn't need anyone else in his life. I am not jealous that I am not that beautiful girlfriend, I am just annoyed that he can flick people out of his life like he has done to me and numerous friends. It is not fair and he needs to know that.

It has been 10 minutes and still no reply. I am not holding my breath on this one. It is really disappointing. It's not like we had a fall out. Well not a massive one. I was annoyed with him and expressed myself. Does that mean you should completely give up on someone?

I know someone this has happened too and she was the one who initiated the end of the friendship. It was a build up of things and she just had enough. Her friend went around saying horrible things about her all because she spoke to her friend's ex boyfriend at a party. Something as pathetic as that made her friend turn her back on her. My friend was so fed up she ended the friendship- and so she should.

Mr. IT and I never had that kind of falling out. Although the annoyance did build up inside me. It was my fault that I lashed out, but I apologised and vowed to never do it again. How could he just end our friendship a few days after at the same time getting a girlfriend? Is is a coincidence? Or is it a way of telling me that he has moved on and doesn't need my friendship anymore? He could have said it to my face without playing these little games. 

I hope he got my message and feels bad about leaving me in the dark. Sometimes it is nice to have closure when someone is ending your friendship.

Miss Beckz xxoo

Would it be crazy if.....?

Last night I had a pretty funny dream. It was me hanging out at the pools with friends from primary school. Yes primary school. It was ten years ago when I was at primary school. I have caught up with some of my friends from back then but I was utterly surprised when they popped up in my dream last night. I was especially surprised when my first ever crush from primary school made an appearance.

His name was Robert and he was my first boy crush. I was in grade 4. I think every girl had a major crush on him. He wasn't the stuck up kind, he was generally a nice kid which is probably why everyone was so in love with him. I was one of them and can remember it vividly. The dream was of me and him finally catching up after all these years and my past feelings flooding back to me. We were in our 20s and completely in lust.

I woke up this morning in utter shock that he came into my mind after so many years. I have spoken about him  whenever I caught up with old primary school friends and we laughed about how every girl loved him. We all wondered what he was up too these days and if he was still the cute Robert from back in the day. We knew he moved house to some where far, far away and haven't seen nor spoken to him since grade 6 graduation. We searched him on numerous social networks but there was no trace.

So having this dream last night made me think "would it be crazy if I tracked him down?" Who knows what he could be up too. He could be rich, handsome and studying at University. Or he could someone with no future. Do I  really want to light the candle that has been burnt out for so long before? It is more the curiosity than anything. What is he like after all these years? I know I know, curiosity killed the cat, but maybe I can be the cat that got away. The curiosity and what if questions are killing me. I want to know what my first crush is up too, and like my dream, will my feelings come crashing back down to Earth?

I sat at the kitchen table this morning and opened up the white pages. I remembered his surname and where he moved too, so it couldn't be that difficult to find him. Oh how wrong was I. There were so many numbers under his name and where I think he lives. Lucky his surname isn't Smith or else I would be in trouble. It was too early in the morning to start ringing the phone numbers so I left it. I went to work having the question still in my mind. Would it be crazy? I still haven't got the guts to ring the numbers and need some back up.

I am seeing my best friend from primary school tonight for a hot chocolate and thought maybe I should ask her if I should (a) actually go through with it and (b) if she could hold my hand while I dial the number. I know she will disapprove but it is exciting. Even if I just talk to him over the phone and tell him he was mentioned the other day in a conversation with other people from primary school. It can't be that random, can it? I am not asking him out or wanting his friendship, I just want to ring up and be like "hey what's been happening?" (after 10 years or so).

Would it be crazy? It would be completely random and exciting!

What do I have to lose? A person I have never seen or spoken to since the 90s? It looks more and more tempting as I think about it.

Miss Beckz

xxoo

s

Initiating everything

I once had a really close male friend and our friendship began this time last year. As each day went by our friendship bloomed and bloomed like a flower garden in spring. We spent nearly everyday together eating muffins, cooking in the kitchen, playing Xbox, going for walks and playing with my puppy. We went to pubs and enjoyed an evening together until the early hours of the morning simply laughing. We were introduced by a friend and really got on well. I have never been so close and comfortable with a male in all my life. We were just friends but as it sometimes happens the feeling of lust or love creeps into you. I must admit I did have a bit of a crush on him but I didn't try and advertise that I did.

Late last year he began dating one of my friends but our friendship still remained closer than ever. At times he would choose me over his beloved girlfriend. When they broke up he came to me for comfort. I was there for him in the ups and downs. Soon after the break up he began to fall for none other than my best friend of 16 years. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I still smiled but it hurt inside. The lust didn't last long as he moved onto another co worker. Everyday he would remind me that he likes her and wants to ask her out. In true friendship I supported him. Again that didn't last long (to my relief). We wen through a rough patch to the point I told him to "f" off (I was extremely angry at the time and said sorry to him). That was probably the last time I hung out with him. A few weeks later he slips into conversation that he is in a relationship with someone and is happy. Another week later he moves to be close to her. I haven't seen him nor spoken to him since. There have been the occasional hello how are you conversations, but there have been no deep and meaningful conversations like we used to always have. He tells me life is great and spends all his time with her (her being this really nice girl I have met once).

Today as I write this I am talking to him over the internet which is our main interaction at the moment. We haven't spoken for many months and I refuse to be the one that initiates conversation or any action. I am guessing he is thinking the same way as we haven't spoken for ages. So today I decided to talk to him first and ask how things are. He is at work at the moment and leaves the computer quite often. I don't know if this is an excuse not to talk to me. But he did tell me to stay online so we can catch up. Talking over MSN is not my idea of catching up. I just hate having to initiate everything! I want to be friends with him again! I want to have what we had before. It seems that he now has a beautiful girlfriend and is happy, so there is no need for myself or his other friends to be in his life. Which is sad really. The aim today is to tell him that I am disappointed that we haven't stayed in contact and that he (and I suppose myself) haven't made the effort to keep what we had before. I have lost him so I suppose telling him how I  feel won't make anything worse. We always used to say to each other that the best part of our friendship is that we are so honest with each other. Well buddy I am going to be honest with you.

Wish me luck

 

Miss Beckz xxoo

 

0_o

What I have learnt today

I am trying this new thing of writing down one lesson, experience or thing I have learnt each day. Today I have learnt that:

"the greatest friendship of all is when two people can still love each other everyday despite the ups and downs, each others flaws, disagreements, and can talk through their problems without harsh words or walking away"

I think I have found that kind of friendship :)

Miss Beckz

*thinking*

its such a gloomy day today, makes me want to stay home and cuddle up in a warm blanket.

I went to the gym today which always leaves me energized. My new skin care routine is going well. No reactions to the rosehip oil. Haven't had a pimple in days!

That "jock guy" didn't come to uni yesterday and I didn't attend the lecture anyways because the lecturer had an emergency meeting so it was canceled.

I am getting a facial tonight which is oh so special! :)

I really should be doing my assignments but this weather makes me feel blah

I am going to end with a quote from the Dalai Lama that caught my eye and I think it is something should live by everyday. I am going to start tomorrow :)

Every think as you wake up

"today i am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly of others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can"

Too bad the world doesn't follow this.

Miss Beckz

my bad skin

I have really bad skin. Well it is A LOT better than it was say a year ago (even a few months ago). I have tried everything from Pro Activ to Dermalogica and supermarket brands. Nothing seemed to really have a great impact. I have pretty bad acne and now it has calmed down but I have red scarring.

What I am using at the moment is Dermalogica's Anti Bacterial wash and Sorbolene to calm my skin down. I rarely use moisturizer and use a tea tree oil toner. I also apply spot treatment at night which works well. Every second or third day I also use a exfoliater srucb very gently as I am scared about using it because my face goes red sometimes.

My acne has nearly disappeared however it is the scarring that is annoying. I am using mineral foundation to cover it up, but I am not a big make up user.

So this is my skin care:
* wash with anti bacterial wash
* wash again with sorbolene
* toner
* sometimes moisturizer
* pimple cream at night
* make up when it's bad (just foundation and sometimes a bronzer)
* exfoliater

I have done some research on the internet and saw it in the Cosmo magazine and apparently Rosehip oil is really good for acne scarring. Is this true? I was curious and went out and brought a bottle. It was $20 which is a bit expensive for such a small bottle but it can be used as a moisturizer. Also some people said it wasn't good for oily skin but the packaging says it is good for it as it acts like the oil on your skin. I have tried everything else and I suppose it won't hurt to try it out. So I hope it goes okay and I don't get a reaction to it or my skin gets worse.

I also brought Nivea Oxygen Night Cream. Apparently it speeds up cell renewal which I suppose would be good for acne scarring? Does anyone know? I thought I would try it out. I got the night cream because I use enough crap on my face in the morning and have never tried a night cream.

So this is my new skin experiment. A lot of my friends have skin problems and it is up to me to try everything and give them feedback on different products! I am hoping these products help with my scarring, even a little bit!

Does anyone else have any handy tips for acne scarring or acne?

Miss Beckz

popcorn

Tonight while watching TV I had a craving for popcorn. I went to the cupboard and to my shock we had none. I couldn't be bothered to go to the shops so i decided to make popcorn the old fashion way! No not harvesting my own corn! But using the corn seed thingys I found in the cupboard and putting them in a brown paper bag with a tiny bit of butter! I kind of burnt the popcorn because I wasn't sure how long to microwave it, but it tastes good. Gets rid of my cravings!

Miss Beckz

i have to admit

I think I have a girl crush on Miranda Kerr....

*squeals* God I love her!

Miss Beckz

I joined a gym

Yes that is right people. I received a free two week pass at one of my local gyms and decided to (again) get back into going to gyms. However this is different to normal gyms. It is strictly women only so there is no men watching you struggle with the weights and you don't feel intimidated by young hot guys. Rather than having rooms full of treadmills and weights that I can never use, it is only one room with 12 working stations that are all cardio. In between each major work station they have platforms in which you spend 30 seconds jogging on the spot. In the room they have one or two older women helping you with the equipment and motivating you along. Another advantage is it is a exercise course and it lasts 30 minutes. Beneficial exercise is 30 minutes on most days, so it is really good for very busy women. Sometimes when I go to a normal gym I never really know how much time I have to spend on each machine etc. You begin on one machine, exercising to music until the tape tells you to move onto the next machine or jogging platform. After 15 minutes they tell you to take your pulse to see if you are in the heart rate range. It is that simple. You walk in , do the course twice which takes up 30 minutes, finish with stretches and then walk out. If you do that 3 times a week (which is what I am aiming for) it is really beneficial for health, mind and social life! I love it so much that I am considering signing up even after my free trial. The atmosphere is great and I benefit from the exercise.

 

Miss Beckz

 

xxxoo