How far will one go for love?

I have lost count of the amount of times that I have done something either little or big to win the heart of the man that I have loved for 2 years now. It is either the little things such as dressing up knowing I might bump into him, or the big things such as joining his family for Christmas Eve. As sad as it may sound there is always an egotistic motive behind my actions. I dressed up for his 21st not only for myself but to impress him and his family. I spent a lot of time with his extended family when they came down to visit especially when the kids asked where I was. Do I do this for myself or for the hope that one day he may ask me to hold his hand (I do love the kids though, and I am baking those mini cupcakes next time I see them)?

I can’t understand why I am doing this and why I am jumping at every opportunity to prove myself to him. Does his approval and/ or love mean so much to me? I remember one night I drank excessive alcohol just to show him that, “hey I can be like you too”. The thing that scared me was that I was conscious of my thinking. I put the glass down and walked out of the pub thinking, “why are you doing this? What are you getting out of it?” After two years I realized that I don’t know why I am doing it and I am getting nothing out of it.

Which leads me to the thought of the day, how far will one go for the love of their life? It seems that I am willing to “get to know the family” and bake cupcakes (I can’t bake to save my life) all to impress his family and hopefully the man himself. The sad thing is however, I know deep down inside he will never feel the same way as me but I still continue to persevere with all the hope in the world. Knowing the real me with any normal situation I would have given up by now, so why is this circumstance any different? I am baking cupcakes for ….sakes! If I am jumping through every hurdle in my way does that mean what I feel is real? I just want to be with him, is that why I am trying everything possible to show him I am the girl he should marry? And because I am not getting any immediate results but still thinking positive, is that why I continue to put myself through the heart ache of impressing this man, who everyone tells me is bad for me? I know deep inside that my hard work will pay off, and if it doesn’t, well I will feel pretty empty inside that’s for sure.

All I want to know is “how far will one go for love” and are these extreme actions normal in the quest for love? You see this kind of situation in everyday life as well as in the movies. Take the Notebook for example, Noah sacrificed his time and life building the house that Allie dreamed of, Allie of course being the love of his life. I mean he did write to her everyday for 365 days! And of course take the all time classic romantic story Romeo and Juliet. How much did either character sacrifice to be with the one they love? It is the perfect example of how far one will go to win the heart of their loved one. Of course my situation isn’t as extreme as Romeo and Juliet!

These examples do add warmth to my heart that a person who is head over heels in love can end up with the man or woman they have dreamt of. But I suppose they are only stories been told in 90 minutes or so. My story however will grow and bloom well after the credits have finished rolling, I just got to stay positive and continue doing what I can for the man I love. As the saying goes ‘the way to a man’s heart is through food’, who knows maybe my mini cupcakes will pull a few heart strings. Only time will tell.

Miss Beckz

Punk inspired outfit

Hey All.

Sorry for no posts this week. I have just come back from a girls weekend away with my mum. It was a jammed packed weekend with loads of things to do. My remaining time off includes no more trips away so hopefully i can sit down and get some inspiration going. I have been playing on Polyvore and decided to create a punk inspired outfit. So enjoy. I am now going to watch t.v and hope for some creative writing to hit me.

Cheers

Miss Beckz

It feels good to be back

Hey Everyone!

Well it feels so good to be back! University is now over including exams so now I have time to update my blog. I havent been able to update my blog at all during this semester. I am been under so much pressure, and thought i should use my writing skills for essays not my blog! but the feeling of writing again makes me happy. I am half way through a piece of writing about relationships (as usual) and i have some topics in mind. I hope you all enjoy my blog that will hopefully be updated more often! But to get your taste buds working, i have included a polyvore collection below. it is inspired by an Autumn day and Carrie Bradshaw!

Enjoy......



Love Miss Beckz

...because everything looks prettier in p!nk

luv is hard 2 let go of, even if u neva had it in the 1st place..

at first i was going to say "to get rid of", but then i realized it is not something i want to get rid of. i want to completely embrace it and learn from it. but when it comes to a time when a girl really needs to let go of something that makes her :) but also makes her :(

the feeling of happiness is when you realize you are in love...unfortunately you actually don't receive it in return....at all...nothing..not one little spark....isn't the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return?? i have loved..it is the greatest thing....love lifts us up where we belong...all you need is love.... however, after so much effort, i haven't received it gifted wrapped in return.........

miss beckz

its been a while

hey all

its been a while....got exams at the moment...which always sucks...a lot more updates to come at the end of the month....

mb